About Me

My hormones kicked in at 7 and my “periods” at 12. I’ve been literally allergic to the world all my life which has resulted in me never feeling well a day in my 26yrs of living. I’ve had Shingles 4 times before the age of 10. At age 14 I started doing surgery on my big toes because they had naturally ingrown toenails and by 22 I was finally believed that I wasn’t doing it to myself and a doctor did surgery; they are just now finally starting to heal and they still aren’t growing back evenly. Ears produce at least twice the normal amount of earwax when the body is suffering and mine are so full they hurt on a daily basis. I have astigmatism in both eyes and just got new glasses after waiting 6yrs and my right eye still goes completely blurry at least an hour a day. I use to have luxurious hair that drove me crazy for being so big and thick and now it’s thin and plastered to my head due to illness and meds. I’ve known since I was a small child that I had some kind of skin disease but with no one willing to listen I only just diagnosed myself (correctly!) 9 months ago with a strain of Hives that riddle my body with tons of blisters, welts, and wheels every few seconds. A “doctor” destroyed my sciatica about 4yrs ago (simply for his curiosity) and my spine has been out of alignment for that long: my right hip is higher than my left but my left leg is higher than my right leg and when I walk I tend to the left especially when I’m exhausted which is always.

In 2007 I was diagnosed with the incredibly vague Nerve Damage which was, then, at 20%; the amount of a car pile-up of which I’ve never been. In 2012 I was diagnosed with a slightly less vague diagnosis of Fibromyalgia (accepted as real and not a mental illness as of spring 2012). This is a bit more specific but it still means they don’t know what’s wrong with me. In March of 2007 I died in a hospital due to a doctor simply not caring (and then a year later he nearly did the same to my friend). This is how family and doctors finally took my situation seriously enough to get me help. My family has been truly wonderful since then. . . Doctors are, of course, still waiting for their millions before they actually take up action of their sworn oath to help those in need.

In June 2012 I saw my first Gynecologist (yes, it took my family THAT long!) who told me that I have what’s known as a Double Uterus a.k.a. Bicornate Uterus. At 2yrs old I knew I had 2 holes from being an innocent child playing in the bath but didn’t know I was different from my female friends and family. How could I? It’s not taught anywhere nor is there any terminology given out so you can look it up. Did you know that “Intersexual” is more known than “Double Uterus”? You would think when you’re being looked over the day you’re born they’d figure out something’s different or at least somewhere along the way (they did with all 3 of my siblings). This is how much my medical has simply been IGNORED.

Apparently, part of why my “periods” are as excruciating as they are is because each side is having its own period and the right side is underdeveloped (we think. . . it’s not even being explored). Also, they are not having their “periods” at the same time. OH NO! Week 1: pms, Week 2: period, Week 3: second pms, Week 4: second period. It’s a never ending cycle that my body does not get a break from. . . but they tell me the answer to all my problems is to diet and exercise. . . how?! I’m in enough pain every other week that I would legitimately be admitted to the ER on a regular basis but I’m allergic to everything they have or it doesn’t have any effect so they’re useless or they’d kill me. So, I have to tough it out as I have for the past 20 YEARS!!! When I was in the hospital (when I DIED) I went through every test available and they couldn’t find answers to the Fibromyalgia OR this! I’ve been on every med they can think of that isn’t illegal and it either has no effect or has nearly killed me.

I have actually asked my Gynecologist for a Hysterectomy and, of course, was turned down. Yes, I do know what it is and what it entails as well as the dangers. I’m already LIVING the dangers and have for 20 YEARS! I know for a fact that my hormones are making my Hives and allergies worse. There’s so much incentive to do this: Calming down Hives to non-existent, calming down allergies to non-existent, giving my body a break so it can finally heal enough for me to become normal and finally LIVE!!! MY GOD, WHY IS THAT NOT ENOUGH TO GET THIS?!

My life every day for the past 7yrs:

•  Half woken up at 10am by mom for meds and go back to sleep
• Woken up by mom between noon and 1pm for the day
• Put pajamas back on
• Go to the bathroom
• Come back and get back into bed
•  Mom helps me settle with computers, remotes, and lunch
•  Mom helps me take meds at 4pm
•  Mom brings me dinner
•  Mom helps me take meds at 10pm
• Go to bed between 3am and 4am

Occasionally mom or one of my sisters will spend some time with me but that’s like 1-4 times a month for 5min. to 6hrs. Otherwise I’m alone or have a cat. That and the above is not living but doctors keep insisting that it is simply because I’m not a quadriplegic.

I can’t clean my room, wash dishes, do laundry, cook, cut my food, open doors, bath myself, take care of my cats, wear the clothes I want (I’m usually literally naked out of necessity), work, drive, lift, bend, school online or offline, etc.

When people find out these things about me while talking online they all eventually disappear whether immediately or over time, even those who have something medical as well. With all of this it is impossible to make friends offline as I cannot leave the house usually more than once a month at the most (usually end up spending that precious saved up energy for a doctor visit) so they would always have to come to me. They would have to drive me but would have to follow specific roads and drive in specific ways or they’d hurt me severely (I don’t let me dad or brother drive me ever). They would have to carry things for me, open doors, help me take my meds, cut my food, literally use their bodies as shields between me and passersby, etc.

You can’t MAKE a friend that way let alone KEEP one! It’s exhausting and embarrassing for us both (I get looks in restaurants when my mom cuts my food or from cashiers when mom carries the groceries). This also includes getting a date, having a boyfriend, getting married, and (thanks to whatever my hormonal condition is) having sex and bearing children are both dangerous! It’s an actual 85% chance, in my case, that if I actually got pregnant that I would lose it!

I WANT A HYSTERECTOMY!!!

MY LIFE IS HELL!!!